Today at mass somewhere between the first reading and the homily, I had a sudden revelation. It wasn’t a revelation really, more like a smack in the face as to how spoilt rotten I’ve been lately.
I was in mid-thought feeding my daily complain list of how stingy China really is. It’s just that in a lot of ways, the country and any institution part there of, is really stingy in its facilities and services.
They provide but they take away the little things that really make a big difference in your experience of using it. (The feeling resembles having to pay 20 cents for tomato sauce at KFC, dammit sauce should be free!)
For example, sure our dormitories provides wifi…but only in the lobby, it dies as soon as you reach your door. Sure our rooms provide wired internet but for roommates to both use the net at the same time, we have to buy ourselves a wireless router.
Sure there are public toilets everywhere…but never any toilet paper. The list could really go on but after experiencing first hand the country that invented the “cheap” culture, it’s safe to say that stingyness is no longer a mere stereotype.
But today in mass, despite my constant frustration at everything in China, I realized that even though I live in a country where you only get what you pay for, the way God works is nothing like that.
When God gives, He truly gives.
He doesn’t only give you what you ask for, He does and then He gives you a lot of extras that you’ve never even thought of - never could have even imagined.
He showers it upon you until you wonder what it was you did to deserve all of it. He gives everything to you…for free! Everyday, without hesitation. The problem is when someone gives you something, you need to be able to receive it.
And today I realized how selfish (and stupid) I’d been for not wanting to receive God’s daily free gifts. And for not being grateful for all that He’s given me.
God is not stingy. He’s probably the opposite of stingy. Even when you think He’s not giving you anything, He actually is. But just like a mother feeding her children vegetables instead of candy, God is giving you what you need and what HE thinks is best for you instead of whatever else you might think is good for you. You know that.
When I look back at my 2013, I stand in awe of His greatness and His wonderful plan for me. He’s given me everything and even up till now He’s still giving me things every.single.day.
I’ve been greedy. I’ve forgotten to appreciate this daily handing out of gifts. I’ve taken it all for granted.
And for that, Lord have mercy.